


like a lighthouse from the sea

by QQI25



Series: i've found my home [7]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Dubious Consent, Extremely Dubious Consent, Gen, Hanukkah, M/M, Rape, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-11-05 18:54:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17924420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QQI25/pseuds/QQI25
Summary: Taako and Lup's first semester at college is less than stellar.





	like a lighthouse from the sea

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from brother by NEEDTOBREATHE tho othr notable songs i feel are important are rivers and roads by the head and the heart as well as landslide by fleetwood mac. 
> 
> i do want u to keep in mind tht i HV tagged this one mature as well as for rape/non-con!! in additional tags i used extremely dubious consent bc there might be a hint?? but like not rly no. there are a fair amount of sexual scenes! i also used the tag dubious consent bc the ones i did incl also involve a bit of coercion which if u don't kno is considered rape if one of the parties didn't consent at first nd was coerced to.

They’re not going to the same college. Different, promising colleges accept them, and Taako doesn’t wanna make Lup give up anything, so he doesn’t. If he’s going to be honest, he’s terrified. He’s a lot of false bravado, a lot of insecurity. _Lup’s_ the one that’s actually good with people. She’s outgoing and feisty. He’s abrasive and kind of self-centred. He has no idea how this is gonna go. 

\---

After their high school graduation, they go to Tía’s place like any other weekend and are met with a little party. Music’s playing, food’s on the table, some balloons are on the ground, and Tía’s friends are there.

“Congrats on being grads!” they all exclaim. 

“I see what you did there. That was pretty sweet,” Taako says. 

“Thanks guys!” Lup replies for both of them. 

Everything about the party is great, and before they know it, the day is done. They’re all lounging on the couch, Taako resting his head on Lup’s shoulder and Lup’s head on his. 

“You guys ready for college?” Morgan asks. 

“I _did_ say a while ago that we’re always ready, so.” There’s laughter, and Taako smiles lazily. 

“Remind me again, where are you guys going?” 

“I’m going to Glamour Springs University - the name already sounds like it was made for me, and Lulu’s gointa Wave Echo University. They’re like, five hours apart, and both in state.” Lup yawns and gives a thumbs up, and Tía stands up, clapping her hands.

“Well. I think it’s time you guys headed home. We’re all so proud of you,” Tía says, coming over to give both of them a hug. 

“And remember,” Anani adds, “that we’re all here for you, okay? Need advice? Need to rant? Need encouragement? Don’t hesitate to call us.”

\---

Mama and Papa are both busy on move in day, so it’s Taako, Lup, Tía, and Tía’s friends. Lup’s college is closer, so they go there first. Because she doesn’t have their parents’ support, she has to stay in the boy’s dormitories. Her roommate is someone named Cyrus, and he gets here at around the same time they do, so Lup and Cyrus work out the details then and there. She also tells him she’s trans, and he seems to take it okay. When she’s done setting up, they all hop back in the car to go to Taako’s school. He’s not talking much, just resting his head on Lup’s shoulder and sharing earbuds with her. 

Taako’s roommate is someone named Sazed who seems pretty cool. Sazed had come earlier, so Taako gets whatever territory isn’t taken or shared. Soon it’s time for everyone to leave. He hugs Lup tight. 

“Bye dingus. I love you,” Lup says with a fond smile. 

“Bye goofus. I love you. Don’t forget to facetime me.”

“Wouldn’t miss a facetime sesh for the world.” They hug again, and then he hugs everyone else, and they’re out the door. 

“That your family?” Sazed asks. Taako goes to lay down on the bottom bunk. Sazed had wanted the top, so Taako had let him take it. 

“Yeah, kind of. That was my sister Lup, our aunt, and our aunt’s friends. How ‘bout you? Did anyone come with you?”

“Nah. I’m a junior, so I’m used to it.” 

“Ahh. How’s uh, how’s this school?” 

“I mean, I _am_ a junior here, so it’s not bad. If you ever need help, just ask me.”

“Thanks!” He feels awkward, and Sazed’s response only serves to make him feel even more so.

“No problem.”

\---

 **Luluwu <3 **  
week 1 = done!  
we made it

 **Taakòwó**  
hell fuckin’ yeah  
hows classes for u?  
mine are p interesting tbh

 **Luluwu <3 **  
same  
im not out to my teachers??  
but i wasnt in hs either sooo like  
sucks but im used to it

 **Taakòwó**  
:^((

 **Luluwu <3 **  
<333  
hv u been making friends??

 **Taakòwó**  
my roomies p cool  
he said i cld go to him if i needed help navigating campus nd shit like tht  
hbu?

 **Luluwu <3 **  
nice!  
i mean ya same boat the only person i rly kno here is cyrus nd he’s chill

 **Taakòwó**  
do u wna switch to ft?  
sazeds out

 **Luluwu <3 **  
sure!  
cyrus is out too

“Whassup homie,” Taako says when the call connects, throwing up a peace sign. Lup starts laughing. 

“Have you joined any clubs? I feel like you’d fit right in at a NERD CLUB.” 

“Mmm, whatever. Haters gonna hate, and all that. You’d fit right in at a BULLY CLUB.” Lup flips him off, so he flips her off too, and then they’re laughing again. “You’re just not as cool as me, so you wouldn’t understand.”

“ _Now_ who’s the bully? Anyway onto actually important things -”

“Which we were steered away from because of you,” Taako interjects.

“ _Any_ way, what are we posting this weekend? Do you have an outfit planned or should I break out an outfit?”

“The real question is who has the better location to take a picture? My campus lowkey has shitty facilities with no full-length mirrors.” 

“Me it is! I _do_ have a full-length mirror in a clean bathroom, so. I don’t have an outfit yet though.”

“We can work with that. Just show me your closet and we’ll pick one together.” They talk through outfit options and eventually settle on one. They also plan out a caption.

“Fuck? We almost forgot about food. I haven’t checked out our kitchen sitch here yet, so I don’t know if I could do it. Actually, a college kitchen? I feel like neither of us could or _should_ do it. . . . Okay, tell me if this is a good idea, Lulu.”

“I’m listening.”

“We get Tía to do an ep. Or two. Or five. However many we need done. That’ll be cool, right? Like, this is the person who taught us how to cook and now she’s sharing her knowledge with Youtube?”

“That’s a _great_ idea!”

“Thanks, thanks.”

“Okay, we’ll just text her and figure out what she’s gonna make. It’ll be good.”

“I miss you,” Taako admits when there’s a lull in conversation.

“Miss you too like hell. But we’ll get together over break. I promise.” 

“I think I’m gonna hit the hay.”

“You really _should_ try to see if there’s a nerd club,” Lup says with a smirk. Taako snorts. 

“Yeah, I love you too.”

“Love you! Good night!”

“Night.” The call disconnects.

\---

“Hey, are you hungry? I’m gettin’ hungry,” Taako says, looking at Sazed.

“Yeah, I could go for some food.”

“Aight, I’m gonna whip us something up. Where’s the kitchen?” Sazed leads them to the kitchen and Taako makes some brownies. 

“Damn, Taako. This is the shit.”

“Thanks. I could teach you how to make them sometime, if you want.”

“That’d be nice, thanks.”

“Hey, no problem.”

\---

Sazed’s a pretty quick and eager learner. He accompanies Taako to the kitchen whenever he’s in the mood to make something, and soon it’s not just Taako making the food, but Sazed too. They have a lot of fun in the kitchen, as well, as just in their dorm, and they’re getting closer and closer.

“Taako? This might be a weird question, but do you like guys? We’ve just been getting really close, and I swear there’s a connection there. Would you wanna try for a relationship?”

“I . . . yeah. Yeah, I’d like that.” Sazed smiles at him and he smiles back. Taako has never had a boyfriend before, and he’s also been feeling like they have a connection. 

\---

Sazed’s really sweet to him, really romantic. He takes Taako out on dates, buys him flowers, makes him dinner. His kisses and the sex are also good. Sometimes he takes it slow, and sometimes he’s rough. Taako doesn’t mind. 

They also start sleeping together in the bottom bunk. It’s a little tight, but they spoon, and besides, Taako’s always cold in the morning, and cuddling makes it less so. At times it leads to Taako oversleeping and missing a class, but it’s no biggie. He hasn’t missed a quiz or test or exam, so.

\---

“Hey, Taako,” Lup says when it connects.

“Hey, Lup.” Lup squints at him.

“You look tired. What’s up?”

“Oh, nothing. Just that dorming with your boyfriend _kind_ of has its perks.” 

“Eww. Well, make sure you get in some proper sleep too.” 

“Yeah, yeah.”

\---

“Are you wearing that out?” Sazed asks. Taako stares down at his outfit.

“Yeah, I was planning to. Why?”

“Oh. I just don’t really think it’s your colour.” Taako personally thinks every colour is his colour, but he changes anyway, because he appreciates hearing other people’s input.

“Does this look better?” Sazed looks him up and down, and then nods.

\---

“A crop top?” 

“Yeah, why?”

“Well, don’t you think that’s a little stereotypical? Besides, I don’t want other people to be able to see what’s just for me.” Sazed’s voice gets lower and silkier when he speaks the last sentence, and then he catches Taako’s lips in a kiss. Taako melts a little, and Sazed’s pulling away too soon.

“I’ll change,” Taako says a little breathlessly.

“Good boy,” Sazed replies. It’s getting hard for Taako to think. 

\---

“I need to get ready for class,” Taako murmurs.

“Aww, come on, missing one class won’t hurt. Don’t move, baby; you’re so warm. And I kinda need those lips around my dick.” Sazed grinds slowly against his ass. “Come on, baby, give it to me.” So Taako slips under the covers and blows Sazed. 

He misses his class.

\---

“Hey T,” Lup says.

“I don’t think I’m meant for college,” he says instead of greeting her.

“Why?”

“I’ve been missing morning classes.”

“Then just schedule later classes next time,” Lup suggests.

“Yeah, okay, well it’s not _just_ morning classes.”

“What’s causing you to miss your classes then?”

“Usually Sazed,” Taako admits.

“Then hang out with him less.”

“But he’s my boyfriend.”

“Yeah, and you’re at this place to learn. Try to balance the two.”

“Well, I don’t wanna say no to him. What if it upsets him, or something?”

“I’m sure it won’t. Just try it out.”

\---

“Hey, are you mad at me?” Sazed asks him one weekend while they’re hanging out in their room. Taako looks at him.

“No. Why?”

“I just feel like you’ve been hanging out with me less.”

“Well, yeah, because I need to go to class,” Taako says slowly.

“Didn’t stop you before,” Sazed mutters. Taako had been expecting his reaction to be something like that.

“I was just talking to my sister, and she made me realise I need to pay more attention to academics.”

“Can I be honest with you? I kinda feel like your sister hates me. Like, I just wanna spend time with you, y’know? You’re a good boyfriend. And it’s weird; even when you’re just in class, I miss you.” Taako softens. 

“I miss you too, when I’m in class.”

“Then there’s a really easy way to solve this that you have the power to do.” He walks over to the chair where Taako’s sitting and leans over him.

“Yeah, okay.” Taako leans up to kiss him. 

He starts missing his classes again.

\---

Taako crawls into bed earlier than usual. He’s been tired lately. He’s drifting off when he hears the door creak open and light floods a section of the room. Sazed strips down into his underwear and climbs in behind Taako. He reaches around Taako and starts stroking his dick, and Taako makes a half-hearted attempt to push the hand away.

“Not tonight. ‘M tired,” Taako slurs. Sazed leans over and kisses Taako, nibbling his lip, before just barely pulling back.

“C’mon,” Sazed cajoles. “Don’t you love me?”

“I do,” Taako mumbles. His eyes close again. He hears Sazed take off his own underwear from what feels like miles away, and just barely feels Sazed take off Taako’s underwear too and start rutting fast and hard against his ass.

\---

“Are you gonna stay over break?” Sazed and Taako are lounging in bed, Sazed running his fingers through Taako’s hair. 

“Nah,” Taako replies. The fingers in his hair still.

“Damn. That sucks. That really sucks.” 

“I mean I haven’t seen my family in a while, and I’m sure you haven’t either.” 

“So I’m not good enough for you? Is that what you’re saying? You don’t love me anymore? _My_ love means nothing to you?” His voice gets increasingly louder and his tone harsher with every question.

“ _No_ , I-” 

“Shut up,” Sazed says coldly. “I don’t even wanna hear your stupid voice or see your stupid face right now.” Sazed gets up to put his shoes on and grab his key, and then storms out the door. A pit forms in Taako’s stomach. Sure Sazed can get jealous, but he’s never acted like that before. He shakes that feeling away and decides to study to distract himself. 

“Hey,” Sazed says cautiously when he comes back a few hours later. He’s carrying a bouquet that he brings over to Taako. “I’m so sorry I acted like that earlier. I don’t know what came over me. I still love you, and I feel really bad about the fact that I probably hurt you. I didn’t mean to do that, and I won’t do that anymore.” 

“Uh, it’s okay. I love you too. Thanks for the flowers.” Taako accepts the bouquet, setting it down gently on the table. He stands up to hug Sazed, who eagerly returns the embrace. 

If there was a promise somewhere in his apology, Sazed surely broke it, because he’s so hot and cold the rest of the semester, alternating between loving Taako and . . . not loving him.

\---

The break kind of comes as a relief. Sazed is starting to really scare him, and there’s no way to anticipate his mood, because anything can set him off. Taako starts packing all his stuff a week in advance, because they have to be out of the dorms by 3pm the day before break starts, and he wants to make sure he doesn’t forget anything. 

Sazed, who’s always had a high sex drive, has sex with him the night before the last day of class, as well as the morning of, meaning Taako misses another class. He hasn’t really been enjoying the sex anymore, because Sazed takes and takes, and rarely gives; he’s only ever concerned with his own needs. He still lets Sazed take what he wants though, because he feels guilty, doesn’t want Sazed to feel unloved. Because he _does_ love Sazed. Right?

Still, he’s glad Sazed has a class in the afternoon, doesn’t want to deal with the hassle. This time, his parents and Lup come to pick him up, and it’s an affair made quick by his packing beforehand. 

He sleeps the majority of the car ride back, which means that night, he’s not really tired after dinner. He takes the time to unpack all his stuff. 

“So,” Lup begins, “now that we have all the time in the world, tell me about your boyfriend.” They’re laying on their backs in her bed, the lamp on, and staring at the ceiling. 

“Well, his name’s Sazed. Duh. He’s really romantic. He’d bring me flowers, and take me out on dates, and even cook me dinner, sometimes. Before we started dating, I’d taught him how to make lots of stuff, and he’s honestly a decent cook.”

“Cute, cute.” 

“Yeah, sometimes though,” Taako trails off, biting his lip, and Lup looks at him. 

“What?”

“Well, I love him right, but sometimes, I don’t know. I don’t know how to feel about him. He’s like . . . really into sex Lulu, like _really_ into it. I remember there was this one time where I was pretty much asleep and he . . . this is TMI but he was like rubbing his bare dick against my bare ass? It’s kinda blurry because like I said, I was asleep, but I was alone and then suddenly he was there. I also started missing lots of classes because of it, actually. Like, I’d wake up to get ready for school and he’d tell me he loved me and he was horny and didn’t I love him back? He says that a lot, that he loves me, and asks if I love him.” Lup looks at him, concerned, but he presses on, because he’s barely talked to her about this and now he wants to tell her everything. 

“He’s also really hot and cold? He asked me a couple weeks ago if I was staying over break and I said no, and then suddenly he blew up at me? And he stormed out of the room and then came back a few hours later with a bouquet and apologised. It felt really bad. Like, I don’t even think I did anything wrong? But he made me feel like I did. And that wasn’t even the only time. He started being like that a lot, and I wish I could blame it on drugs or something, but he was fully sober. 

“It was honestly really scary. I kinda didn’t wanna be in our dorm anymore because I couldn’t predict his mood or what would set him off, but if I stayed out, he’d ask me if I was mad at him or something, and didn’t I love him, and he would be so lonely if I did. . . . Also now that I’m thinking about it, he kinda policed what I was wearing? He would judge my outfit a lot. Like, he started with just saying it wasn’t my colour or whatever, but then he’d downright say it was ugly and stuff like that. He also didn’t like when I wore anything that showed too much skin? He said it was just for him to see, so I’d go and change.” He lets the words sink in, and he’s kind of starting to realise how shady it all sounds. 

“Taako,” Lup says cautiously. “You _do_ realise how that sounds right? That’s like, really toxic and fucked up. You had a shitton more negative stuff to say than positive.” 

“I . . . yeah wait, wow. That _is_ fucked up, isn’t it? I just, I was so excited to jump into my first relationship. He was the first friend I made, and then he said he was into me and I just. And I was lonely, too. I didn’t really meet anyone else.”

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this stuff, T?”

“I dunno. I wanted our calls and texts to be positive, because we don’t get to hang out in person. . . . Anyways, enough about me. How was _your_ semester?” 

“I’ll let you off easy for now, but don’t think we’re done with that conversation. School’s honestly . . . not what I thought it would be. The classes start to get boring even though I’m interested in what we’re learning. Also, Cyrus was like, lowkey highkey transphobic? He didn’t seem it at all when we first met, but it’s a whole ass personality trait of his, seriously. He’d say shitty stuff about trans people to me and then be like oh, well not you. Or he’d randomly say shit like ‘I don’t understand how people can go against what God had in mind for them’ that’s _very_ clearly about trans people, or queer people, at the very least. . . . Damn, we both needta change roomies after break, huh?” Taako snorts.

“Yeah. Glad _you’re_ my roommate now, though.”

“Yeah,” Lup replies softly, lacing their fingers together. 

\---

“Hey, we should get a tattoo,” Lup says suddenly. “That way, even when we’re apart, we’ll know we’re here for each other. And maybe, you know, we’ll be better at talking to each other when we need it.” 

“Yeah, I love it. That’s a great idea. We could look on Pinterest for ideas.”

So they take out their phones and start surfing Pinterest for tattoo ideas. 

“Hey, Lulu? Are you also getting like, pretty dope shit?”

“You bet. Anything sticking out to you, though?” 

“Yeah, actually. There’s this one with half a moon and half a sun,” he answers, showing her. 

“That’s really good, yeah. Let’s do it.”

\---

“Hey, is there a chance that any of you guys have gotten a tattoo before? And if yes, where did you get it done?” they ask once they step in the door of Tía’s place.

They keep learning more about their tía, it seems, because it turns out that they have a tattoo they got as a group, a red snapdragon. Taako and Lup show them their tattoo idea, and are given advice in return, on where to go to get it done. They already know where they’re gonna get it - their wrists, and are told it shouldn’t really hurt. 

\---

Upon researching, they find out the tattoo parlour Tía and her friends had suggested also does piercings, and they look at each other. 

“Piercings?” 

“Piercings.” They laugh before starting to discuss what kinds of piercings they want. There are a few they decide on: two on the helix, one standard lobe, and one on their eyebrow. Since Taako’s always on Lup’s left, his piercings are gonna be on the left side, and his tattoo on the right; Lup’s are gonna be the opposite of his. 

“Should we tell Mama and Papa?”

“Sure.” 

\---

“Mama, Papa, we’re gonna get tattoos and piercings,” Lup announces. She’s always braver and bolder. Mama sighs.

“There’s not really anything we can do about it, is there,” Mama says. It’s not even a question at this point.

“Not really,” Taako replies. They finish dinner and go back up to their room, giggling. 

“That was easy,” Lup says.

“For sure. For sure.” 

\---

Taako has no fucking clue what he’s gonna do about Sazed. Theoretically it’s a good thing that Sazed isn’t talking because theoretically that would mean he doesn’t occupy Taako’s thoughts, but theories aren’t always true, and this one certainly isn’t. It doesn’t matter whether or not Sazed is talking to him, because Sazed is always on his mind, and he doesn’t know how to feel about it. On the one hand, when Sazed is good to him, he’s really good. But when he’s bad . . . 

So he decides to dump him. He doesn’t wanna do it over text, because that’d be kinda shitty, right? First though, he makes a list of all the reasons why he shouldn’t keep dating Sazed. It’s kinda long. He kind of can’t believe he’d let that happen? Looking back on it, it seems super duper shitty and all kinds of fucked up. Sazed had _taken advantage of him_ because he was younger and available and trusting. He’s honestly pissed. He’s _way_ better than Sazed. Eventually, he recycles the list, because he’s got it down. 

\---

He and Lup go to get their tattoos and piercings done, and Tía and them are right; it doesn’t really hurt. They buy some earrings there, little hoops for the helixes. The parlor luckily enough have a sun and moon themed pair with cuffs, and Taako and Lup buy that as well. The piercings and tattoos look hella good, and they make sure to make a post on their Instagram about it. They also change the profile picture to a pen and paper illustration of their tattoo. 

\---

They take back over videos on their Youtube channel, doing videos on comfort foods and other dishes for colder days. Tía had gotten really good feedback though. Because of Chanukah, they do a series together with their Tía where they learn how to make traditional Jewish foods. They also plan to have her back whenever they’re busy and she’s not.

\---

They donate half of their Chanukah gelt to the Trevor Project, and the other half they use to buy new clothes. They hit the town and decide to vlog it as well. It’s a lot of fun, first off to have that money to be able to buy clothes they like, and second off to spend all that time together and know that others will be joining in on that fun, in a way. They even go to places like Target just to look, though they do end up buying some jewellery there. 

\---

Taako’s kind of starting to forget why Sazed was so bad. He’s pretty sure he was probably just exaggerating or something. What did Sazed do? He had ups and downs, like everyone else. But he was super romantic. There were flowers and dates and dinners and everything. But there was a reason Taako had decided he’d break up with him. He remembers that he’d made a list, and starts trying to find. He searches for a few minutes, getting increasingly frantic and then remembers that he’d recycled it. At this point, his breath is coming quicker. Lup, who had just entered the room, rushes over to him.

“Hey, hey, what’s going on?”

“I-I . . . what was so bad about Sazed? I made a list but I threw it away, and all I can think about is how good he was to me? Like, he’d send me super sappy texts at random times, and he’d say he loves me, and he’d kiss my forehead, and we’d go on dates, and we’d cook and bake together, but I _know_ he was bad but it’s getting all blurry and I . . . I feel like I was over-exaggerating and I kind of miss him? I don’t know what to do,” he says desperately. Lup grabs his hands.

“Shh shh, hey, it’s okay, it’s okay. Breathe.” She waits until his breathing calms down before continuing. “You definitely weren’t over-exaggerating. And _I_ remember what you told me he did. He treated you like an emotional punching bag and a sex toy. He may have been good sometimes, but that’s not good enough. You’re totally valid and justified in wanting to break up with him, okay? You didn’t are aren’t doing anything wrong.”

“Thanks, Lulu,” he says quietly. He hugs her tightly and she hugs him back. 

\---

“I don’t wanna go back to school,” Taako admits. 

“Me neither.”

“No, like, I _really_ don’t wanna go back to school. Like, I don’t think I’d be able to stand four years apart. I don’t really give a fuck how unhealthy that sounds because honestly, it’d be unhealthier for me to be without you.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah. You had a bad experience with your college and I had a bad experience with mine. Let’s start over. Together. We’ll go local, of course, find an affordable but also open-minded college in state that has programs we’re interested in.” 

It’s that simple. 

\---

They find Arcaneum Lux University. It’s nearby, affordable, is accommodating of trans people (as Lup finds out through emailing the Gender and Sexuality Center they have there), and has co-ed housing. Most importantly though, it accepts both of them. College try 2.0, here the twins fucking come.

**Author's Note:**

> \- i kept the mentions of chanukah brief bc my main concern of this is their failed attempt at college! i myself do not celebrate it altho i hc taako does bc of his extensive use of the term bubbeleh? so basically his tía, her friends, nd the twins celebrate it together. i'm sry if i've inaccurately repped anything! pls tell me if i did! i dunno customs w chanukah gelt, all i do kno is chinese new yr lol nd for cny it's cool to spend ur money on whtevr u just can't open ur red envelopes in front of the person who gave it to u
> 
> \- idfk wht to name the college! for their individual ones it was based on where they went like lup nd cyrus went to wave echo nd taakos fateful mishap was in glamour springs. the together college they're both going to ended up being called "arcaneum lux" bc the arcaneum was a place where they were all together nd they put a lotta work into creating their relics there nd the lux is the latin word for light nd light of creation nd ya. sry if u Hate It whoopsie
> 
> \- hey i spoke too soon when i said idk if i'll be using this format much!! i forgot tht i tend to use it if i'm telling a story ovr a long period of time soooo i hv no idea how future fics will be formatted lol
> 
> \- yes it iS possible to totally freak out ovr losing nd ltr finding out u freaking threw away a list detailing why a person was Bad To U!!! i had this person who i dunno why she was toxic anymore bc i threw away the list nd my brain decided to keep all the good thngs nd throw away the bad thngs bc apparently it's good to wna get in a friendship w someone who was supposedly Bad To U???? idk!! i just kno tht when i see her i borderline get an anxiety attk!! i can also easily work myself up to nearly an anxiety attk if i see someone w short hair thts dyed bc she had short hair tht was dyed!! im glad taako has lup tho bc i didn't tlk to anyone abt it after a certain pt bc i didn't wna bother them!! like there are still lingering effects today nd it hppnd tenth grade or whtever (so two yrs ago) but last yr it rly bothered me for a time nd often if i think for a bit i can freak out ovr it again
> 
> \- i hv nvr been in a romo relationship nd i prolly nvr will! lol so the writing might be weird
> 
> \- i also hv not had the sex sooo
> 
> \- sry for oversharing! a lot of times wriitng is a way for me to cope lol also if u rd thru this all ur a champ ?? i appreciatee u
> 
> \- here's a rly funny concept: they start playing dnd together when the ipre crew unites nd dav is their dm like hooowwwww meta (????) nd ironic (??) wld tht be (idk if those are accurate terms but u get it right?)


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